I hate cancer. #Cancer=InjusticeForAll #kickrockscancer
My mom died of cancer. #cancer=InJusticeforAll
My cousin died of cancer. #cancer=InJusticeforAll
My uncle died of cancer. #cancer=InJusticeforAll
Both my grandmothers died of cancer. #cancer=InJusticeforAll
My friend from work has cancer. #cancer=InJusticeforAll
My other friend has cancer. #cancer=InJusticeforAll
Several friends are cancer survivors. Thank God.
Cancer is the devil I think.
How do you feel when someone you know tells you they have cancer? I don’t know about you, but no matter what kind of cancer it is, I feel like I am kicked in the stomach. Like, the wind is knocked out of me. Anxiety and panic set in on the inside, but on the outside, I am stoic, I am strong for that person. Do they need to feel me scared too? I don’t think so, but I am no psychologist, so I have no idea what the ‘right’ thing to do, or even if one exists.
But, alongside that panic and anxiety is the fighter in me. The one who says “second opinion’, the one who says ‘you will beat this beast’….and the one that wants to scream out in anger over being out of control. I can’t fix this for them.
I remember like it was yesterday…..my mom was in the hospital room, unconscious, they already told us she was on her way to Heaven, and when that doctor came in, I begged him to do something. You have to do something. This can’t be all you can do. Fix my mom!!! Don’t let her go.
But he couldn’t….a few hours later, I was holding her hand….watching her breathing getting slower….until it finally stopped. She was out of pain and on her way to Heaven. I had to be strong….I had to hold in what I was feeling, at least that is what I told myself, which was the worse thing I could have done for myself. That day and the months following my mom’s death changed who I was forever.
When my mom was diagnosed, I fatefully ran into the group HomeTown Heroes. They help kids with cancer and their families. It literally was fate that brought us together. We were late on getting a Christmas tree, so we stopped at the lot on Mallard Creek Road, which happened to be a HomeTown Heroes Christmas tree lot. I talked to a kid about HomeTown Heroes, we loaded our tree, got ready to go, opened the door to the truck and it was full of smoke!
The kids and I went over to the bonfire to keep warm and started talking to some of the volunteers about HomeTown Heroes, while Mel and some other volunteers were fixing the truck. The next day, I met Forrest, Mike, and Donnie to hear more about HomeTown Heroes…….that was 8 years ago….and here I am still a volunteer for HTH.
This past week, we lost a HTH child to cancer. He was 16. A few weeks before that we lost another girl to cancer. Cancer is injustice for all.
Tomorrow I will be part of HTH escorting Bryant to his final resting place. While this is not the only child who has died while being an HTH kid, this is only the second funeral for an HTH kid I will have attended.
I am scared, and sad, and mad….at it all. Cancer is injustice for all. It is a sobering experience. One that makes you really think about your life, the life of these kids and their families. But you see, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am crushed about losing Bryant….but it is nothing compared to what his family feels. So, then I feel guilty about crying, but how can you not cry over the loss of a child who hadn’t even had the chance to live his life?
Maybe this post was written so that a family could see what HomeTown Heroes can do for them.
Maybe this post was written to give me strength for tomorrow.
Maybe this post was written to introduce new people to HomeTown Heroes.
I don’t know.
All I know…is that it had to be written.