Lately life has been sticking us with some pretty hard pills to swallow and quite frankly, I do not know how much more I can take. Is it true you only give someone what they can handle? Because I don’t think I can handle anything else. Or do you give us more than we can handle so that we need to lean harder on You, our family and our friends?
I don’t know. Either way, no matter what is thrown my way, I will survive.
Today, I held my baby’s hand as the anesthesia was administered. He may not be a “baby” as in age, but Reece will always be my baby. I saw his eyes flutter as the medicine made him go to sleep. I felt his hand go limp. As I turned to walk out so the procedure could take place, I started crying. And I cried hard. I couldn’t catch my breath.
I left my baby in the hands of someone else. I had to relinquish the protection of my son to people I didn’t know. I had to trust they would take care of him.
I sat in that waiting room…and my heart was beating so fast I thought I might be having a heart attack…but it was probably just panic. When we were called back to the recovery room, I watched Reece breathe. He was still “under” from the medication. I wanted to crawl in that hospital bed with him. I wanted him to wake up and tell me everything was OK.
About 20 minutes later he stirred and started waking up. He was talking, but nothing made sense coming out of his mouth – which is normal, but I didn’t like it. I wanted the Reece back. The happiest words I heard this morning were “I love you Mom” in his normal voice. And I will never forget them.
When the doctor came in, she told us our son had a disease that was probably going to affect him the rest of his life – Some sort of “colitis” but she was not willing to settle on one particular version of the disease at this time. Even if it is some sort of colitis, I know the results could have been much worse, so I am thankful for that.
However, since I was told this is a life long disease, you know I am going to be getting a second opinion. That can never hurt – and it is never bad to be too cautious.
So thank you God for holding Reece when I couldn’t. Thank you for keeping my baby safe.
Now, if you could please take some of the sunshine that Reece emits when he smiles, and shine it on my Mom to make her better, I will be eternally thankful.